The Crunchy Popper chocolate bar - by Sam
Wow, Sam! I would 100% want to eat this chocolate bar. You have persuaded me to do so using your very well-chosen language and the wonderful play on words with your 'taste-tastic' description! You use 'sensational', 'demolish' and 'mind-bending', as well as alliteration with 'brain-bending'. Where can I buy this?!
Also, it's lovely to see your writing drafts, rather than a polished piece. I think this will give other children confidence to know that writing, in the initial stages, is a process of drafting and re-drafting until you get the right combination of words. Well done!