Children's writing: continuing a story - by Dhilan
Wow, Dhilan! Thank you for sharing your super story with us. You have continued the story about a person who fell from the sky in an airplane seat and landed in the Amazon rainforest in Peru. This is a true story and then you have used your imagination to think about what could have happened next. You are just in Year 4 at school, and I am so impressed with the way you have thought about all the different writing techniques to include in your story. A huge well done!
Here's a list of the super-duper writing techniques you have used, and, of course, your story is here too!:
Structure - you have given lots of super details about the characters and the setting right from the start of your story. The opening. 'I tried to move my blood splattered body...', is immediately intriguing. Also, you have structured your ideas across three parts, including a big problem (the cobra) and a cliffhanger right at the end of the first section and the end.
Sentence style - you have included so many ISPACED sentence starters to give your writing variety and to produce complex sentences.
Punctuation - you have used commas after the ISPACED openers (so, the fronted adverbials/ adverbial phrases). You have also used speech marks (inverted commas) and a question mark.
Language - what a lovely variety of description you have used for the man in the rainforest and also a super choice of verbs and adjectives.
Now, it's time to read your story!
Falling from the sky - by Dhilan
It was petrifying, but I must have passed out, because the next thing I remember was waking up on the jungle floor…
I tried to move my blood splattered body but every time I did my wounds leaked out gallons and gallons of blood. Frightened, I slowly but surely gazed around at the gloomy rainforest. Cautiously, I tried to move but the seat belt kept me strapped in. Seeing a giant Cobra slithering on the forest floor, I prayed to God to help me.
Struggling I realized that I had neither the strength nor the equipment necessary to break the seat belt and free myself. As the Cobra approached the wreckage, someone suddenly jumped out of the bushes. It was an old man, his cheeks sunken, hair in wild tangles and wrinkles from head to toe. Grabbing the cobra by the neck, he cut it in half with his sickled blade.
‘Who are you, what are you doing here, where do you belong?’ questioned the old man angrily. Those were the last words I heard before fainting.
When I woke up, I my found myself in a boat made from vines and logs. As we rowed along the river hundreds and thousands of arrows were suddenly shot at the boat.
‘Duck’, screamed the old man as he pushed me into the river. As fast as I could I swam to the riverbank. Just as we thought we survived the attack, the old man was pierced through his chest by an arrow. His last words to me were “take this flare and shoot it” as he stunk to the depths of the river...