Children's writing: using time and a door to create tension - by Selena
Wow, Selena, you have created so much tension in your writing by using the two techniques we learnt in our Weekly Writing Club - by describing a clock and a shut door.
In your first piece of writing about the girl waiting for her birthday, we can see that you have used the repetition of the actual time, which doesn't change. You also use repetition of 'Tick. Tock' to create tension. You also describe the girl looking repeatedly at the clock, and this makes her feel time is going slowly. Also, the actual clock feels imposing as it is towering and dominant in the room. This also affects how your reader feels.
In your second piece of writing, you use a shut door to create tension. You describe the door in detail and this makes your reader focus on the door. This in turn makes them feel tense because the door is locked and there is no key. You then use sound to show a change - there is a 'clink'. A key is turned in the clock and the door opens with a creak. Super!
Thank you so much for sharing this super writing. I felt very tense reading these - so your writing techniques certainly worked on me!
Let's read ...
Using time to create tension ...
The girl who waited for her birthday - by Selena
The minutes and seconds seemed to tick very slowly. Heather waited and waited patiently. In 5 minutes, it was going to be her birthday. The towering penny-brown clock turned to 11:56 pm soon to be 11:57 pm. At 11:57 pm, Heather was jumping up and down in her bed. She looked again at the mahogany clock and saw there were two minutes left. Heather glanced outside as it was getting darker and darker. It felt like it was going to take forever to reach 12:00 pm. Heather couldn't wait! Finally it was 11:59 pm and Heather was so excited! Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick...tock. The old-fashioned grandfather clock struck 12 pm. It was finally her birthday!
Using a locked door to create tension ...
The Magical Door - by Selena
I hadn't expected to find a door in a forest. There was a keyhole. The problem was that I had no key. The only thing I saw was a chiffon dim light under the door and there was lots of mauve, crimson and basil flowers. I had a closer look at the door. There was a brass ornate door handle. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I heard a sound. Clink. Clink. The keys! It must've been! I wanted to find out why there was a door in the middle of the forest. I tried opening the door. The door opened with a loud creak! I walked in.
Then I woke up and saw pink rosy trees. There were other people eating it like it was candyfloss. I finally found out that I was in a candy world. It must have been autumn as there are lots of leaves on the ground. Then I looked behind me. There was no door! I kept walking in that direction until I bumped my head! That should have been the door. Maybe it could also turn invisible. All I needed to do was see the door.
I started rubbing my sweaty palms on it but it still didn’t work. Then I was banging on the oak door. I heard a key turn in the rusty old lock. Oh no! I might be locked in this candy world forever! There should be a key around here. So I walked towards a sign that read ‘Candy Village’. Maybe, it's somewhere here. One step and then I fell over! I fell in a hole and saw a box. I tried opening it but it was locked. I saw a key beside me. When I tried opening the box with the brass key, it worked! Inside it, there was another key. I looked behind me. I saw the door. It was not invisible anymore. Maybe when I touched the key in the box, I could see the door, but could others see it? This shows that the key in the box is the right key to unlock the door. I ran towards the door and made the key turn in the lock. The door opened with a loud creak. Then I said goodbye to the candy world and went through the door.
It took me somewhere. It was my house! I looked around the room and this door was in my bedroom! I had two keys and a box from the candy world. I put the right brass key that unlocks the magical door in the box and put the box and the other key under my pillow.
Dusk came by and it was time to sleep. I bid goodnight to the magical door, and closed my eyes.