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Children's writing: describing stairs to create tension - by Selena
Selena, you have used our tension ideas from the class for so well. The short 'Creak' onomatopoeic words help your reader to imagine being there and you also slow time down by describing the character's inner thoughts and feelings. It's also excellent how the setting then changes completely! The description of the fog is just wonderful and provides an intriguing contrast to the first setting. Well done and thank you for sharing!
Let's read ...
The Magical World - by Selena
I knew I wasn't allowed up the attic staircase, but I just couldn't help myself. There must be something special up there, like treasure! I scurried up the spiral staircase, hoping not to be discovered. It felt like it was taking forever. By now, my hands and feet were aching. I grabbed the steel handrail. I should take a rest, I thought to myself. For a few minutes, I laid on the penny-brown oak stairs and fell asleep. I heard a sound. Creak. Creak. Oh no! Someone's coming! I woke up from my nap and magically saw a wooden door appear. I could go in there right? I thought. Yes I can. The creaking got louder and louder! Quick! I stepped into the magical door and the door closed behind me. Phew! The creaking suddenly stopped. I looked around the room. The room turned into a marshland swamp.
Squelch! Squelch! Squelch! I dragged my feet in the muddy swamp and saw a ligneous bridge leading to somewhere mysterious, maybe. What could be at the end of the birch bridge? I walked carefully along the birch bridge (as I didn't want to fall). Creak. Creak. Wish. Woosh. Creak. Creak. Wish. Woosh. I finally reached the end of the birch bridge. A white layer of mist covered the air. As I drifted through the mist, the fog made eerie shapes and shadows and I blindly stepped forward into a rocky cave. Without having to strain my eyes any longer, I could see well. My eyes were as big as saucers as I gazed at the dazzling pot of gold tucked away in the corner. The coins were as bright as a shooting star.
Voila! I found the treasure.