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Children's Writing: an obstacle on a journey - by Selena

27.04.22

This is a wonderful piece of writing, Selena! In our Weekly Writing Club, for this task, we looked at how to write about a character approaching an obstacle on their journey. You've written about this brilliantly by using well-chosen description to show the details of the character's actions and feelings - this is super 'Show Don't Tell'. Well done!

 

Let's read your excellent writing ...

Saving The Day! - by Selena

Taking the shortcut had not been a good idea. The path was dark and only moonlight gave us light. I discovered that it won't be easy to cross this pebble track with a mocha swamp ahead of me.

I struggled to wade through the thick inky water as if my tan-coloured feet were glued to the wet mud. I couldn't move! I tried as hard as I could to fight the mossy amber marshland. I cried as loudly as I could, but no one replied! I looked around, trying to find my way out. There were dead branches as I scanned the surroundings and spotted a white, thick layer of mist covering the sky. I need to escape! I had to get out of this marshland, to be where I started.

I felt as if every step I took back, it grew darker and darker. I couldn't go as fast as the minutes ticked away. A few minutes later, I was back where I was - at the start, again! This time, I had to think. Yes! The log! Maybe I could use it as a path? I carried the tawny-cedar log towards the swamp. Oh no! It wasn't as long as I thought it would be! I tried to jump to the end! Squelch! I couldn't quite cross it. Well, now I was nearly there. Squelch. Squelch.Squelch. Finally!

Crossing through the muddy swamp was actually worth it! All I now had to do was to go through the pearl layer of mist. I dashed as quick as a cheetah. The nearer I got, I heard a familiar yell that echoed. It had to be it, my parents! Then, I saw them ... 

Afterwards,we all wandered home happily (Rosefield Lane, number 28) and went to bed. I was exhausted!