Children's writing: a character finding a passageway - by Aapti
Thank you for sharing your fantastic writing with us, Aapti! Our task for this session of The Weekly Writing Club was to describe a character finding a passageway. Well, what a superb job you've done. You've built tension by describing in detail the character's approach and by using a huge range of well-chosen language (verbs, adjectives and figurative language). Excellent job!
Let's read your super writing ...
The Passageway - by Aapti
There it was, nestled comfortably into the rock face. Tentatively, Ilvery stepped onto the moss-covered ground. She stopped. Ilvery could sense that something was wrong - very wrong. A tingling sixth sense of danger lurked behind the high stone facade. A tight knot formed in her stomach. She clutched her sack of belongings and trudged on. Ilvery wanted to stop but she just couldn't. She paused near the long, windy bridge. It sagged. It wasn't like the sag near the edges where the rope was tied, it was right in the middle and the planks were hanging precariously. Oh well, she thought miserably as she remembered the main reason why she was here.
She crossed the mountains and the forests and the seas and the swamp but she just couldn't reach the castle. She sighed a long sigh. Her breath came out as steam as she began to turn round. Ilvery paused. A long silhouette was cast over her. A dragon! It swooped down and splashed the moat's water on her. She was pulled up and soon she found herself on a moss-covered step. In front of her was the big, mahogany door. Ilvery pushed the brass knocker and the door opened.
Her eyes darted straight to the tall, stone fireplace. On the mantle piece, one long silver blade was lying there. She darted straight towards it but she banged right into the wall. Except, she didn't bang in, she went through. Ilvery looked behind her and stared at where the fireplace was supposed to be. But it wasn't there. Her heart pounded in her chest and butterflies danced in her stomach. Water had leaked from the rocks, and the walls and floor glistened with dampness. She slipped and slid on the luminous steps. Cobwebs were hung here and there, mainly in small corners between the cracked stairs. A glowing light was shining in the distance. Ilvery gathered up some courage and continued on.
The passageway went on and on and on. It felt like it was never-ending. Suddenly she stopped. A hairy shadow was creeping along the walls as if it was following her. When she stopped, it stopped, when she ran, it ran, when she slowed down, it slowed down. What was this? Ilvery looked behind her and saw a dastardly sight. A huge spider was crawling over the fractured pieces of stone. She wasn't overly frightened of the spider but she did shiver when she saw it. She prodded it and poked it with a stray stick lying by her feet. The spider rolled away and into the abyss.