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Children's Writing: reaching a destination on a journey - by Selena

27.04.22

What a super, detailed piece of writing to show a character reaching their destination on a journey. This works really well because you have given your reader so much information about where the character is and how they are felling about the things that are happening to them. You have used a range of well-chosen verbs and adjectives, as well as excellent opening words and phrases to guide your reader (i.e., Suddenly / Sitting / As / Gently / Swiftly etc.) Well done!

 

Let's read your excellent writing ...

 

The Castle - by Selena
Rose spotted the castle and gasped. It was surrounded by a deep moat and a tight knot foamed in the stomach.  She couldn't swim.  Rose didn't know what to do.  She searched for a way to cross.  There were only 2 ways: cross the drawbridge or swimming. Rose remembered one time in year 5, when her whole class went to a pool to swim when she jumped in she nearly drowned!  She kept exploring for a possibility but found nothing else.
Suddenly, when she gazed up she saw a dragon.  It gaped down at her and soared around Rose.  Sitting on a dragon and taking a flight up to the castle might be the only solution! As she stepped onto the dragon it roared fiercely.  Petrified Rose jumped off the dragon hurriedly.  Gently, she stroked the ferocious dragon until the dragon whined and whined more strokes from her. Swiftly, she took her chance and jumped on the dragon again. She should be a dragon tamer right? She directed the dragon to go over the drawbridge towards the castle. The dragon spiraled round the same place over and over like a tornado.  Could there be a force field covering the Kingdom, I thought to myself? 
The nasty villain knew she was coming. Bump! Bump! Bump! The bat-winged dragon was still trying to get across.  It was in vain.  At least Rose was high enough to see a more vivid view of the magnificent castle that stood majestically on the cliff.   Rose spotted a secret tunnel on the edge of a cliff.  Rose guided the dragon towards the tunnel. As she got off the dragon she drowned in invisible water right round the tunnel. She noticed an oak boat beside her.  She sat in the boat, and it drifted her into the hidden tunnel. 
It led her into the castle. She had to find her sisters (Ellie and Charlotte) before they turned into a yeti! Suddenly Rose noticed a sign that read "Prisoner Cells". She searched for them everywhere! Eventually, she found them. She used a clip to unlock their cells and it worked!   
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