A party recount - by Alicia
This is a great recount, Alicia. You worked incredibly hard on this and revised it to make it just how you wanted it. You have thought carefully about the structure and made sure that it included interesting information about the party (rather than just a list of events). You have kept the writing in the past tense and have included essential time adverbials to show the passing of time (with paragraphs, and across paragraphs) and also direct speech. Well done, Alicia!
My Wonderful Birthday Party
Three years ago in May, my dad and mum held a joint 4th and 6th birthday party for my younger brother, Adrian and I at Pizza Express. We invited a lot of friends and relatives. This Pizza Express was located at T.S.T.
On the way to there, the sky was shimmering which means it was very sunny. “What a sunny day!”, Dad said suddenly in the car which made me wonder if he’d only just noticed!.
After everyone arrived, we were like dogs, running in top speed into a separated circular room. The room was full of declarations such as: balloons, banners, special table cloth with four big words: Happy Birthday, Alicia, Adrian. Inside my heart, I was bouncing banana, wondering how many presents will I be receiving. First, we wore on our aprons to bake pizzas. “I want this apron!”, yelled someone there called Emily.
“This is my apron!”, yelled someone called Isabella.
“Don't snatch my apron!", yelled someone called Sophie. The yelling died away as the staffs at Pizza Express came in with doffs and ingredients for baking pizzas on a trolley. It was very fun! We could choose any ingredients that we liked. I chose: cheese, sausages, pepperoni …….
After baking pizzas, the staff got two the world’s most chocolaty, gigantic cake. Adrian and I were hurrying to blow the candle and eat it up. Someone here, while eating the cake, dropped the chocolate on the floor. Me and my friend nearly stepped on the chocolate. We laughed so hard that we barely can open our eyes.
Hours later, everyone passed out the presents to us and I’ve found out that I’ve got sixteen presents.
Before everyone left, the staff came in and gave everyone a balloon from the ceiling. The yelling appeared with a swooshing sound, what a magical occasion.
“I want this balloon!”, yelled Isabella.
“I want a yellow balloon!”, yelled Sophie.
“I want a purple balloon!”, yelled Emily.
“Don’t snatch my balloon!”, yelled Alice.
“This is my balloon!”, yelled Gabriel. The yelling stopped when everyone got one.
I wish I will have another party like this, after the covid dies away!