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Writing from a picture - by sameeha


Thank you for sharing this with us Sameeha. You have used lovely figurative language, such as personification (the ivy danced around the twigs), and powerful verbs, such as describing your heart 'swelling'. This is just a few examples among many! You have also taken your reader on a journey - so this is not just a simple description. The character goes from being unaware, through to scared and then back to calmer as they move away. This is what we discussed as increasing the temperature of the writing! Well done.

Below is the typed version, and below your original with numbers to show where your revisions are.

The Tunnel

As I pulled the entangled branches back, my eye glimpsed something dark. I approached the tunnel as the ivy danced around the twigs. The furry moss spread around as I ambled by. My heart swelled with anxiety, but I tried to keep calm. Suddenly I heard an eerie and cacophonous noise. With my hand trembling, I entered.

I was surrounded with darkness, except for a glittering light shining ahead. I scurried and touched it. Unexpectedly, I felt like I was swirling; an altercation of colours and patterns were in my sight. One second after, everything stopped. I sat. My head was so dizzy. I was now at the top of a hill. Unable to comprehend, I saw the entrance in which I came from. I was relieved that I was not in the tunnel.

I trudged down the hill hearing the echoes of the tunnel fade away. I felt like lying on the evergreen grass. I was exhausted but I thought I should go back home. It would not be humanly possible to stay out that long. As quick as possible, I darted back home not to come back to the tunnel.