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Science fiction writing by jake, age 11

10.11.20

World's End - by Jake

A cold wind blew the cracks in the wall whilst they were opening the creaky old door. The aliens saw nothing in the house not even a bug. They thought maybe people were hiding. As they were moving around the house they saw a bone chilling sight. It was a monster they thought but it was a burnt and old teddy. Surely not!

See below:

Wow Jake. Your use of adjectives to create atmospere is really working. Using 'whilst' in the first sentence gives the reader a sense of time and the description of the house gives a sense of place. Just remember a comma between adjectives (creeky, old) Great job and thank you for sharing your writing.