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Children's writing: using an extended metaphor - by Tia


Thank you for sharing your extended metaphor writing, Tia! It is super to see so many rich descriptions of the fire without actually reading the word 'fire' lots of times! This is a great writing skill to keep your reader interested in what is happening. We can see that the beast didn't need twigs, it needed 'fuel', and the girls thought of the fire as a 'monster' and a 'beast'. As the fire dies down, you describe the beast as being 'demolished' - a super choice of adjective to build the image of a dead fire.

Let's read!

The Beast - by Tia

As the beast needed more fuel, it glowed on and off as if to give a warning sign. The fire stared aimlessly nearly dying out.  The girls, releasing that the monster was in dire need of nutrition, ran off quickly.  They ran around like chickens scratting in the ground.
In the girls' palms, the twigs were being collected. Unfortunately,  they were too late; by the time they arrived back to the beast, it had died out.

The girls started to panic at the sight of the demolished beast. They wondered how they would possibly keep warm and how could they possibly make any dinner. As they rummaged through their bags, one of them sprung upon a pocket lighter. This really was a lucky find and it would enable them to build the new beast.