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Children's writing: The Serpent and the Child - by Dhilan

17.02.22

Thank you for sharing your story, Dhilan. This is a piece of writing that you have completed independently at home and it's a triumph! Immediately, we are drawn in to the plot and the characters from the start ('Uneasy about their decision to travel, ...), because this makes us question why they felt worried. This makes your audience want to read on - a good writer's technique! You have used many interesting ways to start your sentences and have included heaps of well-chosen descriptions using figurative language and powerful verbs and adjectives. I am relieved to hear that the serpent died in the end! Well done!

Let's read ...

The Serpent and the Child - by Dhilan

Uneasy about their decision to travel, a tiny Chinese child set off for an adventure to Japan. Little did they know this adventure would soon become a nightmare. The child was holding a red bundle stuffed with food and toys, attached to a stick over their shoulder.  Straw clothes covered them from head to toe. Cautiously, the child trotted along the dirt track that cut through the vast jungle. Horrified, birds up above in the trees as tall as skyscrapers, screamed loudly “Beware Beware!” Sadly, the child didn’t understand the warnings, and carried on walking. Bang…a dozen trees fell to the ground revealing a colossal serpent! The child froze in shock.

The serpent had blood thirsty eyes, fangs as sharp as blades, and smooth slimy scales covered it’s mossy green skin. An aroma of fear surrounded the child, making the serpent hungry. The child’s heart was thudding in their chest, and although petrified, blind instinct took over and they ran. Despite running as fast as their legs could carry them, the child was outmatched in speed by the serpent.

The child tripped over a pebble and fell directly onto the dirt road leaving them defenseless against the serpent. Luckily, they managed to roll out of the way, before the serpent striked. Escaping, the child got up and hid among the rocks. The serpent fell onto the jagged rocks and they collapsed on him. Beneath the weight of the heavy rocks, he suffocated, and died a slow excruciating death.  

Finally, the serpent was gone, and the child was free.

-ends-