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Children's writing: portraying a happy character - by Selena
An excellent portrayal of happiness in a character, Selena. You have contrasted it nicely with first showing us the character feeling nervous, and then comparing this to their change in emotion. Great idea!
Let's read ...
It took forever to find the treasure. With heart pounding, Charlotte sighed and climbed up the steep hill. She trembled as she looked behind her. Charlotte was quite high up! Carefully, she grabbed her map from her backpack, and inspected over the hill. A few minutes later, when she reached the top her mouth broke into a wide smile when she spotted the palm tree!
As fast as lightning, she raced towards the only living palm tree that looked dry and parched. Could there be a secret room hidden under the palm tree? Suddenly, Charlotte stamped her foot (near the roots of the tree) and a mysterious tunnel opened up! Charlotte rolled inside a mysterious tunnel and screamed "Aaagh"!
A few moments later, with a bleeding forehead, feeling petrified, Charlotte woke up inside a dark, dingy cave. Charlotte reached for her backpack, grabbed the torch and switched it on. Click! When it switched on, Charlotte looked at her map. Slowly, she stepped up and followed where the map was guiding her. It showed her a hidden bunker. On the map, there was a huge 'X' marked in red. It meant that her ancestor's treasure was here! Her cheeks were glowing and her eyes were as bright as a shooting star when she shrieked with joy and surely her heart skipped a beat!