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Bloom's first day at school - by Aditi


Aditi, I was so impressed with the way that you edited this piece of writing. You read through to make sure it all made sense, spotting where you could join two independent clauses with a semi-colon and insert commas after adverbial opening phrases. The word count for this writing is a huge 483 words! That has to be a personal record for you and just shows how far you have come. A huge well done!

Bloom’s first day of school

This story is about a nine-year-old girl called Bloom, who had unbelievably bad anxiety because on her first day at school, her classroom was packed with students. Now, this was all new to Bloom and because of her condition, her parents home schooled her. Bloom was a shy girl; her parents usually did not send her to school but this time they had a plan to lower her shyness and a hope for her to make new friends. You see the school that they were sending her to is not normal as this school was built for children just like Bloom. 

On Bloom’s first day of school, she was so nervous that she couldn’t even move at the first sight of school - the bus driver had force her to go in. When she stepped into the classroom, it was packed; there were children on tables and paper aeroplanes on the floor. Now this was not a good first-impression. She found a way to hide herself; she found a desk at the very end of the class and found a little compartment in there. Coincidently she fit perfectly. Before hiding, she left a note on the teacher’s desk stating that she was present in the classroom but was hiding from everyone.

It was 8:30 AM and the bell had rung as usual. The teacher came in and saw the note left by Bloom. After reading the note, she quietly whispered to the child next to her telling them to search the classroom for the missing student (Bloom). Surprisingly, the student who owned the desk entered the class as a late comer and opened his desk to find Bloom cramped in that tiny area. When he told the teacher there was a girl in his desk, the teacher knew who it was - it was Bloom. When Bloom heard her name, she squealed softly and tried extremely hard not to move but unsurprisingly the teacher found her. Bloom pulled herself out and shyly walked up to her. As soon as someone asked her a question she ran as fast as she could not knowing that the door was locked; she bashed her head on it.

The next moment she could hear sirens and felt like she was moving and then became unconscious. When she woke up, her parents were there crying. Bloom asked them where she was and what happened. Her parents smiled and told her everything. Then, a knock on the door sounded. Bloom’s class was there. Not knowing what would happen, her parents let them in and to their astonishment Bloom was not scared. Then they remembered what the doctor had said and how the brain injury might have changed her thoughts in a positive or negative way. Remembering this the parents were elated. From then on, they never had to worry about her condition again.