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Children's writing: using adjectives - by Selena


What a wonderful piece of writing, Selena! You have chosen some beautifully thought-out imagery, such as the tortoise having tears in his eyes and the tortoise pushing the balloon back and forth. There is a sadness in this story and you communicate this brilliantly.


You wrote this during one of our Weekly Writing Clubs where we look at a new picture each week and learn a new writing skill – and this week, for Year 4 , this was trying out using two adjectives for one noun. You have lots of examples of this (perfectly cut lawn / pecan-brown, stumpy foot / walnut, caramel balloon / tawny, cinnamon shell). Fantastic! Thank you so much for sharing your writing.


Let's read ...

Dreamy, drowsy tortoise - by Selena

As the sun rose, cracks opened up in the perfectly cut lawn. The tawny beige tortoise woke up after nearly two centuries. He noticed a tortilla-brown balloon stuck on his nose. He got his pecan-brown, stumpy foot and pushed the balloon back and forth. The tortoise saw two children in the balloon. The tortoise would look scrumptious on his dinner plate. He picked them up and they screamed!

The children's grandad darted towards them from the factory. The rough scaly tortoise went back into the position he was in before.

The children 's grandad asked," Why did you scream?"

The children were silent!

Grandad went back into the factory and left the children by themself.

The children got out of the walnut, caramel balloon and looked underneath them. All they saw was grass. 

The tortoise smelt fear from the children. " You know you are standing on me!" growled the annoyed tortoise.

The frightened children didn't utter a word, but quickly scurried into the factory.

 It was New Year's Eve and the children wanted to light fireworks. They started rummaging through the boxes and hidden in the corner, the children found a box of fireworks. 

One of the children screamed," Yay , I found it!"

The other child replied "No, I found it!"

"Fine, we both found it!" the first child answered.

They were elated that they found the fireworks! The children dashed outside and lit up the fireworks! They shouted in excitement! Suddenly, they felt a tremor in the ground.

 With tears in the tortoise's eyes he went back in his tawny, cinnamon shell, for another two centuries.