Writing using the title 'Lost' - by Alicia, age 8
Alicia, thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing with us! During the 5-week creative writing course, you have improved your use of figurative language and structure amazingly! Look at the personification for the city: '...it blew out black smoke...'. Also, the similes: '...cars were smoking like humans...' Your structure is excellent. Each of your three paragraphs contains a focus sentence, action, character and setting description, and a concluding sentence.
Apologies for the gaps where you have put the direct speech onto a new line (which is correct!) - this website adds in a space, which I know looks a bit odd!
Here is your story ...
“Milly, let’s go to the shopping and buy some groceries.” Said Mum while she was getting her handbag, ready to leave home. Milly was very excited to go shopping. Her brain was shouting “wee hee.” as if she was on a roller coaster. As Milly stepped out into the city, it blew out black smoke. On the other side of the road, cars were smoking like humans. Milly and her mum quickly ran into the shopping mall to buy some groceries. After that, they went to a fast food shop. Mum asked Milly to go into the clothes shop to see what she would like to buy. When Milly was walking towards to the clothes shop, she could smell the candies and could not resist the temptation.
“Mum, I won’t be that long. Don’t leave without me!” she shouted to her mum, not knowing that her mum could not even hear a single word from that far.
In a few minutes, she was completely lost. The high-rise buildings were laughing at her and calling her “Candy Milly”. She was like a runaway fog. The marmalade sun was beating down on her face. The shopping mall was as complicated as a maze. Milly was petrified. “Where am I? Where is my Mum? Can I go back home safely?” The voice in her heart was shivering. Scanning her surroundings, Milly looked around to see if there was anyone she knew who could help her. Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice booming loudly. Milly followed the voice as fast as possible. Just then, she recognised the face. The sound was from her best friend Fancer with her Mum. They asked Milly, “Where is your Mum?”
Milly answered “I lost her!”
All at once, Fancer and her Mum decided to bring Milly to the fast food shop, the clothes shop and the candy shop again to see if Milly’s Mum was still there. Milly was thinking, “Silly Milly, she is really missing her Mum more than she can say.”
After, they checked the shops. There was still no sign of Milly’s Mum. Milly’s heart was beating as hard as it could, like a drum. It kept beating and beating - boom, boom, boom! Everywhere they checked, there was still no sign of Milly’s Mum. Milly felt like her mum had gone for ages; it was just two hours. Milly’s mind was full of questions and question marks. Milly thought her mind was going to explode at any moment. Fancer’s Mum decided to bring Milly back to her own home, because if Milly stayed in the shopping mall and continued to find her mum, it wasn’t very safe because strangers may catch her. After they got into the car, Fancer and Milly started to chat about homework. Without realising, they had arrived. Milly led them into the building, into the elevator and went up, up, up and away. “Ding.” They got out of the elevator and Milly opened the door. When the door was half open, she saw her mum talking on phone with an open heart. Milly quickly took her shoes off and rushed in.
“Mum!” she shouted.
Her mum dropped her phone on the table and rushed over to Milly and gave her a big hug.