Children's writing: a story including three criteria - by Ethan
Thank you for sharing your writing with us, Ethan! I loved reading this. Your task was to write a story including a boat, a storm and two friends. You have written in three paragraphs and you have a solid structure, within and across paragraphs with a clear start and conclusion. You have used THINK THREE for setting and character, and you have applied different ISPACED openers. Also, I can see lots of figurative language. You have used complex sentences using the I SAW A WABUB conjunctions (e.g., If they struck the boat, … / As loud as a chainsaw, …) The addition of the isolated words at the end (Adrift. Abandoned) is a great way to end. The separate words slow the reader down and make them think. They are melancholy words, so they set the tone for the ending.
Let's read ...
Spine-chilling Storm - by Ethan
Once, there were two children, Leo and Grace. Whenever they met up, they spoke about going for a miraculous journey on a wooden brown boat with a big, green cabin with a wooden bed and table. They both agreed with their parents that they could sail around the world, bringing an emergency phone just in case. They spent a day building the boat which was as big as a house and on the final day, they bid farewells to their friends. They set sail to the Atlantic Ocean. There, they were caught up by a herd of clouds.
As loud as a chainsaw, the thunder zapped and crashed against the roaring waves. The wind howled like a wolf throughout the whole journey, and Leo nearly damaged his ears for standing so close to the lightning zaps. The additional problem was that, Leo had to keep an eye on the lightning bolts. If they struck the boat, this would get them into colossal trouble. Leo had a lightning proof umbrella to keep the boat safe. A few minutes later, Leo was hiding in his cabin with Grace; he was afraid too! Since no one was keeping guard of the boat, something disastrous happened.
A sudden lightning bolt struck the boat in the centre and it split in half. Luckily, the children merely avoided the bolt, but they were in the cold of the ocean with an island nearly five miles away. This was a nightmare. The two children had lost the emergency phone call and were losing energy by holding on to a piece of the ship’s wreck. They were alone. Adrift. Abandoned.