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Children's writing: A story - by Ethan


This is a super-duper story, Ethan. When you wrote this, you were aiming to included lots of writing techniques - and you have succeeded! Not only is the structure of this really great (within paragraphs and across the whole text), but I can also see powerful adjectives and verbs, figurative language, a variety of punctuation (including a semi-colon!) and detail for setting and character. Top job!


Let's read ...


The story of the tree monster - Leafy

The tree monster, Leafy, was all dark and green; its long arms were like branches and its head had some wavy branches hanging from its chin.  Mr. Baker, a friendly man with a long beard, was blissfully heading to his bakery shop through a forest. The sky was heavenly blue and the sun smiled on him. He observed something rustling in the bushes and lurking around him. The creature screeched and its face was all wrinkled up. The intertwining brambles, full of thorns, sticking out from its head, were spiralling and twirling in the air like octopus’s tentacles. It was the tree monster -- Leafy. Leaves fell from trees and got shredded into pieces making Mr. Baker’s jaws drop. His eyes were wide open along with his legs turning to jelly.

Unaware, Mr. Baker looked at it in its eye which caused him puke in disgust. Its slime-green, wriggly arms reached out to coil around him from the top, like an anaconda when he peeked at it again. “AHH…!” Mr. Baker yelled in agony, suffering from sharp scratches all over his body. Mr. Baker took a huge sniff in the air; its revolting body stench knocked him out in horror. It was believed that Leafy was a walking toilet full of poop. No! It was a hundred-million-year-old sewer which had been storing urine for as long as it existed. “Please… do not kill me!” begged Mr. Baker.

“HUNGRY, HUNGRY!” screeched Leafy. Mr. Baker gulped in fear.

He wriggled his hands into each of the trouser pockets for his cell phone and pressed the autodial button to call Mr. Woodcutter. Mr. Woodcutter responded, “Hello, Mr. Woodcutter is here.”

Mr. Baker screamed, “HELP! A MONSTER IS ATTACKING ME! I AM IN THE FOREST! COME QUICK PLEASE!” Almost immediately, Leafy whacked Mr. Baker in the face with one of its brambles. He passed out, with his face full of bruises. When Mr. Baker, feeling a burning sensation in the face, woke up, he found himself lying in Mr. Woodcutter’s arms, next to the chopped-in-half Leafy. After he recovered, he told his adventure to everyone in the village.

Back at Leafy, a strange light was glowing in its head. This was not the end… Leafy woke up and murmured, “Huh? What happened??” His arms were half chopped off. “GRRRRR! I WILL AVENGE MYSELF AND KILL ALL OF THEM! THE MIGHTY LEAFY SHALL RISE AGAIN ONCE MORE! HAHAHA! TIME TO KILL!” screeched Leafy.

Leafy charged out of the forest, on his hunt to annihilate Mr Baker and Mr. Woodcutter. Leafy’s legs were going round and round in a blurry circle so fast that the twigs on his head were flying back and his eyes were burning with a fiery sensation. Tree wax was dripping down his head and he was determined to get his revenge. As he dashed to Mr Baker’s village, some people fainted in horror and some had eyes popped out with fright.  Mr Baker, who was wondering what all the noise outside was, raced outside and saw an enraged Leafy rushing at him. Mr Baker pleaded to Leafy, “PLS NO! PLS DO NOT KILL ME MONSTER!”

Leafy growled, “Not this time Baker man!” Without a warning, Mr Woodcutter appeared out of nowhere and burnt Leafy to ashes.