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Children's writing: a diary - by Ethan

17.03.22

 

Thank you for sharing your diary entry, Ethan! You have included lots of diary features here, such as talking to the diary as if it were a friend ( such as the informal opening and informal sign-off), and that the recount is chronological. It's a funny recount - the alien landing in in the school  playground because it's looking for cookies for its baby!

You have remembered to include all of your writing techniques to bring the recount to life, such as varied sentence starters, figurative language and powerful verbs and adjectives. I spotted a semi colon as well! You have also zoomed in on the spaceship and described in detail what it looked like - this really helps the reader to imagine the setting.

 

A super job, Ethan!

 

Let's read ...

 

Dear Diary,

Today was the most astonishing day of my life! It all began like this. After packing my bags in under a minute, I sprinted as fast as I could to the bakery of my school. I was going to get ready to make some children full! As I approached the kitchen and sat down to get prepared, the ground started shaking; my legs felt the vibration and it slowly reached my whole body. Falling metal pans and trays were rattling on the floor like a brass band. Water taps burst open, spouting out water. Smoke was spreading to the hall and everyone was choking. Slosh! Splash! Kaboom!

An alien spaceship was emerging from the ground so I tucked up into a ball like the school children. I was sweating with fear and my heart was beating. I was totally stressed out. Then, the kitchen lights were flashing. .

Hypnotised, we all gazed at the bottom of the weird ship which had dozens of powerful leaf-blower-liked propellers and sparkling tube lights running along the rim. Everybody’s hair was blowing back from the immense force of the propellers. The blowing air from the propellers smelled of a damp and mouldy attic which had not been cleaned for over a century. The sound of the ship made an incessant ear-splitting honk which sounded like a car horn. 

The alien stepped outside and just stared at a daring little school boy. It screeched, “COOKIES! COOKIES! No cookie mi kill kill di you you!” One of the teachers heard the alien and as quickly as lightning, she raced towards my kitchen and asked me for cookies. The teacher dashed back with cookies for the boy. Tremulously, the boy murmured something to the alien. It fed them to its hungry baby. It then bowed to the boy and took off in its spaceship with a trail of purple aurora.  

Today was just too confusing. I hope tomorrow is more different. 

Bye for now.

Mr Chef